Kicking The Lesbian Winter Blues...

I feel for you State side northerners this year. My God, the snow and storms you are enduring are a true test of patience and perseverance. As for us in the U.K. it's been a WET winter, the most rain and flooding on record in history, or so I've been told. My back yard looks like a swamp fit for Shrek. My water butt over flow-eth, and my drains also runneth over. I think we can all agree that we're ready for Spring. We've been ready.

So, aside from a wicked bout of depression, possibly nursing frost bite and back problems from shovelling snow day after day, how did you spend your house-bound time? Were you ready to smother your partner with a pillow in her sleep due to cabin fever? Did you pack on extra pounds from eating all the crap in the back of the cupboard or ordering pizzas three times a week because you didn't want to leave the house? Have you ever watched so much bad TV in your life, like even resorting to reruns of "The Nanny"? It's okay to say yes to all of these.

This awful winter, I read more than ever and I'm not a reader. I admit it. Right here, right now- I'm admitting that I am not one to curl up with a good book, but I AM one to click on a link to an article, so I was doing that more than ever. I learned everything from "How to Recognise Signs of a Stroke" to "How to Create Space- DIY Projects From Everyday Household Items" and of course, celebrity gossip that I normally wouldn't care about, like Justin Bieber's Miami arrest, and Taylor Swift's NY shopping spree. God help me. I know more about things don't matter, that won't ever matter -and I'm ashamed to admit it. Things got bad, my friends. And I mean BAD.

As I found myself ALMOST…ALMOST watching an episode of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians" on E! out of sheer television boredom, I decided against it, and went to my computer instead. What I found was a TON of majorly cool lesbian content to keep myself occupied. It was like a blessing that came from a winter curse. I landed on OneMoreLesbian.com which I've always known about but never really explored. I knew that TelloFilms.com was merging with them, and decided to check things out. Tello was always one of my favourite sites because I truly believed in what they were doing. A premium membership to the site is a mere $4.99 a month, and that money actually goes back into the site as they develop new content, series and shows expressly for us. I decided a fiver a month was totally worth it. I mean, hell, you pay that at Starbucks every DAY for a MochaFrappaSoySkimNonFatNoWhipWhatever every single day, right?  So, whats the big deal?

I became immediately addicted to Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard. If you don't know who they are (especially you ladies in the U.K.) you can find a lot of their projects at the OML site here: http://www.onemorelesbian.com/tello including web series' "Gay Street Therapy" (where they dish out awful advice to needy lesbians) and "Roomies"(pretending to be lovers to get a great apartment out of desperation). These long time real-life best friends are so funny to watch in just about anything they do. They also were featured on AutoStraddle.com in a series called "In Your Box Office" doing hilarious movie reviews. In the States, you can see them regularly on Bravo's show "People's Couch".  They are fast-paced, crazy, stupid funny and you shouldn't go another minute of your life not knowing them.

After binge-watching every Julie & Brandy thing I could find, I then discovered director Rolla Selbak's web series "Kiss Her I'm Famous" (also on the OML site, also by Tello) which was right up my alley after all that celebrity gossip I had consumed prior to finding the good stuff in Lesbo Land. The web series stars Tracy Ryerson, the ONLY good thing to ever come of "The Real L Word", a Showtime train wreck by Ilene Chaiken, who gave us "The L Word" and then promptly sold out with a piece of garbage designed to try and keep us in her wallet. The snappy dialog in "Kiss Her I'm Famous" combined with Tracy's talent & looks and Ilea Matthews flawless delivery of some great lines got me hooked instantly. The concept is simple: two best friends' make a lesbian sex tape to become famous because they've been jilted by their exes. 

After that, I cruised right into another Tello web series that is actually the next instalment to the "The NN Files", a series created & launched 3 years ago, that had such a dedicated following, it raised over $65,000 through a fundraising program for the new "Nikki & Nora" series. Written by NancyLee Myatt ("Cowgirl Up!", "3Way" and "South of Nowhere") the series continues to follow Nikki Beaumont and Nora Delaney, New Orleans private detectives and lovers. It stars Christina Cox ("Better Than Chocolate") and Liz Vassey, who are absolutely perfect together- witty, gorgeous and smart. It's everything you wished Rizzoli & Isles was. I ate this up with a super-sized spoon. The writing, the acting, and the quality of this project was amazing. It also has Janina Gavenkar (Poppi, of "The L Word") and Tess Harper ("Breaking Bad", "No Country For Old Men") in it. 

I pride myself on being pretty "up" on new things, because of my "Lesbian Lounge" podcast, but I have to tell you guys, this was the best way to kick the Winter blues! My wife and I hooked our laptop right up to the TV and watched all of these cool, new shows on the big screen with bowls of popcorn between us, snuggled up on the couch, surrounded by our cats, all happy in our little lesbian world. Never once were we disappointed with any of the shows. The quality was so good, you feel like your watching a regular (but shorter) TV show, but with story lines that include us, interest us, and are made by people like us. Now, I feel like I have to stay up on every little thing out there, because it's a whole new world and I'm so afraid to miss any of it! The best part is, you can watch it any time. I watched some stuff over my morning coffee, or during the day when the U.K. has the absolute WORST daytime TV ever on (i.e.: Jeremy Kyle, Loose Women, etc…) and you Americans know what I mean (Jerry Springer, The View) But, I had no problem watching them again in the evening when my wife got home, and we finished cleaning up the dinner mess. So, you make your own schedule, watch whenever you want to, on just about any device, and never fear that the day will come when you've seen it all, because Tello is always making more. Plus, there are SO many good LGBT directors, writers, actors, and they're all jumping on the internet bandwagon! Here are a just a few more web series, short films, and animated projects to keep you busy and away from garbage TV:

"She Said, She Said" - 2013 -a short film by Stuart Blumberg, starring Marisa Tomei & Aubrey Plaza (What?! Yeah, you heard me right!) 

http://vimeo.com/61310168

"Easy Abby" - a web series by writer/director WendyJo Carlton ("Hannah Free"), starring Lisa Cordileone- follows the character of Abby as she clumsily navigates through the lesbian dating pool in search of…something… that could possibly resemble love…  http://easyabby.com 

"Second Shot" - an extremely well done comedy starring Jill Bennett as a jet-setting ex-soccer star who is forced to move back to her small hometown in Ohio when she suddenly inherits the local lesbian bar. 

http://secondshot.tv/Second_Shot/Home.html 

"Geez Louise" by animator Angela Adams - The adventures of Louise and her group of lezzy friends is at http://geezlouiseshow.com/Geez_Louise/Howdy.html 

"The Morning After" - a short film by director Katie Shannon The Morning After  is an official selection in the 2013 Boston LGBT Film Festival, Boston Independent Film Festival, and SHOUT Film Festival  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2a5q3l0IrU0 

Also, looking forward to Katie Shannon's new web series "K &A" due out this Spring

http://youtu.be/TRPaS7Lw_CA and visit the website: http://www.karlyandalex.com 

If you haven't already watched this music video/PSA directed by Nicole Conn, set to Jen Foster's remixed "She" single, you simply have to. Partnered with the Marriage Equality campaign, Nicole and producer Sue Melke have brought together the super gorgeous Nicole Pacent and Gabrielle Christian as well as a bunch of well known faces of our community in this viral video encouraging your involvement in the marriage equality movement- you can find it right here: 

http://she4me.org as well as share the video, download the songs and ringtones. 

The next time you're reading your Facebook newsfeed or scrolling through your Twitter timeline and you see something from a friend about a membership to Tello, a Kickstarter, IndieGoGo, or any crowd funding campaign site, that needs help with their LGBT project or content, take a minute to check it out. Throw a few bucks towards it. Maybe you could skip a latte, or not buy that ridiculous Smoothie maker this month and make a small donation to the project instead. There are some talented people out there that have some great projects that make a difference. They are important to us as a community- the topics are things we can relate to, that are of interest to us and that we can be proud of. Besides, we NEED them! We could have another shitty Winter, folks. Or what if we have a super hot, sweaty summer and we just need to be inside in the a/c? This time, whatever the weather, be prepared.

Until we get to a point where we have these choices on network television, on our own TV's any time, or in theatres and cinemas, during any season, we've got to make the best of it, and we CAN, just by donating, watching, sharing, discussing and supporting LGBT content that's on the web right now.

Take this, for instance- drop a few bucks their way...

"Jenny's Wedding" (starring Katherine Heigl and Alexis Bledel) 

http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/help-the-filmmakers-of-jenny-s-wedding

…So, in closing...as of right now, at this very moment - I'm anxiously waiting for the newest Tello web series "#Hashtag" because, OMG, how relevant could this be? Friend me, Tag me, Follow me….  http://www.onemorelesbian.com/tello/hashtag-series-official-trailer/ 

That launches March 16th, and should carry me SUCCESSFULLY out of Winter…. and into Spring!

The Complete List of Golden Kitty Award Winners for 2013

Awards season is upon, folks. Emmy's, People's Choice, Golden Globes, SAG Awards, BAFTAs and the Oscars… Tis' the season of Tina Fey & Amy Poehler and their hosting duties that make ratings soar for a night, bringing in 20.9 million viewers, a 10-year high for the broadcast. Um…hello, #GIRLPOWER. http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/live-feed/tv-ratings-golden-globes-bring-670373

And of course…Thank you, Jennifer Lawrence, for always being so honest..

Always in fashion, "The Lesbian Lounge with Denise & Donna" is no stranger to awards season. In fact, for the last 4 years, we've done a year-end compilation of our past shows and dished out the very prestigious "Golden Kitty Awards"--

The actual podcast of the Golden Kitty Awards Show is available on iTunes and Podbean as of January 13th, 2014.

Here is the complete list of WINNERS and the Honourable Mentions -in order as presented on the show (links at the bottom, for your listening pleasure!)

SHOW STUFF:

BEST OVERALL SURPRISE MOMENT: The L-Fest Intro that Lucy & Mandy Burton made for us

BIGGEST BUST OF A CONTEST: The 'Horse" Look-A-Like contest.

BEST NEW ADDITIONS:  Movies a' la Queer -fast-paced movie reviews from Sara, and the hilarious 'Lesbianisms' from BoundMag.com 

BEST DRINK: Arizona Stinger: Sweet Tea, Lemon, Absolute Citron, splash of O.J. and... Donna discovers Pear Mint Cider in England.

BEST "GETTING TO KNOW YOU" - Lucy & Mandy Burton & Julie's, and Honourable Mention to GoldstarDyke Kelly & Jen

BEST IN-STUDIO GUEST: Faye Carmona of BoundMag.com

BEST CALL-IN GUEST:  Julie Goldman & Brandy Howard, Honorable Mention: Christine O'Leary

BEST "VICKI" SURPRISE PROJECT: The Lego Bacon Video

BEST TLL VISIT: Jo Schmooze aka: Jo Seale

BEST "ASK THE DOUBLE D's" MOMENT: From April 23rd, 30-yr old Louise rents a house with a platonic lesbian friend who's having hygiene issues, Louise suspects, due to the 'stinky vag smell that lingers in the bathroom'…..From Sept 4th Debbie writes in asking of she should dump her bi sexual girlfriend who stole her credit card.

BEST "PEE MOMENT": Donna on stage at L- Fest after sniffing Lara King's arm pit

BEST LOCAL EVENT (U.S.): "Hoo Hoo's, Coochies & Treasure Chests- A Vagina Conference"- South FL

BEST LOCAL EVENT (U.K.): "Polari- Gay Author Literary Salon" - London - Honorable Mentions: Bah Humbuggers with VG Lee & Rose Collis

BEST LESBIAN EVENT OVERALL:  L- Fest 2013

BEST LIVE MUSIC MOMENT: The Women's Performance Tent at Brighton Pride

BEST LISTENER MOMENT:  Coopie Cooper interviews Dana Goldberg in Columbus, Ohio on behalf of Denise & Donna….

BEST AWARD TLL RECV'D: Ultimate Planet Award for Best Radio Show to us from Planet-London.com

BEST AWKWARD TURTLE MOMENT: Donna: at L-Fest "Any Jews in the house? Where are my Jews?" --Silence.  Denise: to Jill Bennett: "Weren't you in Star Trek?"

BEST FOOD MOMENT: The Meat Fest Backyard BBQ in England

WORST SHOW MOMENT:  Hazel's cat Lucy's poo nugget on Denise's laptop during the show

BEST SHOW SOUND BYTE:  Denise's mother, "frontal air"-  a queef, and the "shot glass" reading by Marlene & Rick on the air.

BEST SHOWS (BEST CHAT ROOM OVERLOAD & DOWNLOADS) Jill Bennett, Grey Matter, Dana Goldberg, and Cathy DeBuono

BEST INTERACTIVE LISTENERS:  Hannah Mae from the Philpines, Ayla Chickie, Melissa Wilfong

SOCIAL MEDIA SCENE:

BEST LGBT SOCIAL GROUP: www.Planet London.com and Honorable Mentions: L Fest Solo's and the Dining D's of Brighton

BEST ALTERNATIVE/TRANS/GENDER QUEER BLOG: www.NobodyPasses.blogspot.co.uk

BEST SOCIAL BLOG:  www.ItsFemmeFace.com  - a spin off from Effi Mae's original blog: FisForr.com  and   www.itsanewlesbian.blogspot.com ;

BEST NEW LESBIAN SITES:  www.SoNotStraight.com and www.EveryoneIsGay.com ;

BEST LESBIAN SOCIAL APP: www.Dattch.com and Honorable Mention: WingMa'am.com

BEST TRANS SUPPORT BLOG/WEBSITE/RESCOURCE: www.transkidspurplerainbow.org ;

WEB & FILM, TV & MEDIA:

BEST FILM: (Full length): Cloudburst & Honorable Mention: Stud Life

BEST SHORT FILM: (7 Minutes) "She Said, She Said" - with Marisa Tomei

BEST NEW PODCAST: CHANGE OF ADDRESS- Sandra D Sanchez (now on iTunes)

BEST LGBT PODCAST: Out in South London- Rosie Wilby, Honourable Mention to Out In Brighton- Kathy Caton

BEST DIRECTOR: Nicole Conn

BEST AUTHOR: VG Lee

BEST WEB SERIES: (comedy) Second Shot & (drama) Nikki & Nora with honourable mention to "Kiss Her I'm Famous"

BEST TV/STREAMING SERIES: Orange is the New Black 

HOT STRAIGHT GIRL WE WISH WAS GAY: Laura Prepon

BEST LESBIAN CONTENT WEBSITE: OneMoreLesbian.com, finally knocking AfterEllen into second place.

BEST ONLINE MAGAZINE: The Advocate at www.advocate.com & Honourable Mentions to: Epochalips.com & TheSeattleLesbian.com

BEST LESBIAN MAGAZINE YOU CAN HOLD IN YOUR HAND: SHE Magazine (US) and Diva Magazine (UK)

BEST LESBIAN ENTERTAINMENT & NEWS WEBSITE: Shewired.com

WORST TWEETER: Kate Moennig still holding the top spot

BEST TV GAY GUY COUPLE: Cam & Mitch

BEST GUY GAY IN REAL LIFE: Neil Patrick Harris

BEST TV LESBIAN COUPLE: Piper & Alex

WORST TV LESBIAN COUPLE: Whitney & Sada- Real L Word rejects, currently on Couples Therapy VH-1

BEST REAL LIFE LESBIAN COUPLE: Bridget McManus & Karmen Kregloe

BIGGEST TOOL OF 2013: Perez Hilton for being a self serving douchebag

WORST LESBIAN MOMENT OF THE YEAR:  "Lip Service" officially gets cancelled by BBC3

MORE GOOD STUFF

BEST LESBIAN TRAVEL: Sweet Travel (discoversweet.com) 

BEST ECO-GAY: Shannon Wentworth

BEST VISIONARY: Christin Mell of TelloFilms.com

BEST CHARITABLE WORK: Cindy Edwards & Laurie Kilby for the Peru Orphanage Ride to Paris, JD Danner for her support & dedication to the military troops

BEST LESBIAN TV COMEDIAN: Fortune Feimster & Kate McKinnon

WORST LESBIAN TV COMEDIAN:  (UK) Sue Perkins

BEST STAND-UP LESBIAN COMEDIAN: (U.S.) Dana Goldberg (U.K.) VG Lee & Jen Brister

BEST LESBIAN OWNED BUSINESS: (UK) Pretty Pink Pearl & (U.S.) Lucky Dog Leather

BEST "IT" GIRL: Jen Foster

BEST L-FEST BAND: GreyMatter & Honourable mentions to HeadsHearts, JoanOvArc, Hooker, Lazy Hammock

BEST NEWCOMER BAND:  Promise (UK)

BEST NEW MUSIC SPOTLIGHTS: Hannah Thomas and Sami Grisafe

BEST ALTERNATIVE BAND: Dollhouse Riot (Canada), Honourable Mention: Smiling Knife (UK)

BEST SINGER: Lori Michaels (U.S.) and Horse (U.K.)

BEST ACOUSTIC PERFORMANCE:  Nicky Mitchell (UK)

BEST BAND OVERALL:  Eeek (U.K.)  and JD Danner (U.S.)

GOLDEN SHITTY:  SpacialNet Audio for directly causing our disaster in live broadcasting and... as always….our very first intern, who is a constant reminder of how crappy a person can be.

To those of you that have found yourself on this notorious list:

Download the show, share with friends, brag a whole lot, check your email for your Golden Kitty Award jpeg, and proudly shove that bad ass in everyone's face- print it out, hang it on your wall, put it on your website, your Facebook page, and tweet the shit out of it because you earned it, Winners!

Thank you from Denise, Donna, Vicki, Sarita & Julie - THE MYLESBIANRADIO.COM TEAM

PODCAST LINKS:

www.MyLesbianRadio.Podbean.com 

and on iTunes:

https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/lesbian-lounge/id417672606?mt=2 

Be Supportive or Just Be Quiet, It's Not That Hard.

I'm not quite sure what sparked this blogger rant, but I'm certain that Bret Easton-Ellis had something to do with it. If you're not sure who that is, he's a gay writer who had 15 minutes of fame back in the 80's for his books that were turned into mediocre big screen films, like "Less Than Zero" and "Bright Lights, Big City" and then went on to do nothing notable, except snort coke and trash everything that everyone else ever did (or does), via Twitter.

It downright irks me when someone has to feed their insane and constant need for media attention by spouting off negativity to get back in the headlines, and it bothers me even more that media outlets give idiots like him the time of day. But the worst part is that he's a catty, bitter, dark, gay man- so anytime his name is mentioned, it brings attention to the gay community and it's never good attention. It's the stuff that makes the good gays wince.

Of all the jobs out there, all the tireless, sometimes thankless efforts of volunteers at every and any LGBT community center, every worker at every organisations that's been created and continued for our awareness and protection, like GLAAD and GLISEN and so on and so forth- these are the every day jobs that basically earn your average person, gay or straight, a living and help build, connect and support our LGBT community.  Not to mention the jobs of your doctors, dentists, teachers, coaches, post office men & women, hospitality industry, grocery store clerks, florists, etc. that build and serve our general, local communities without fanfare, without notoriety, no headlines or magazine covers, without the public hanging on their every word, they go about doing their jobs, earning a living, living a life without spotlights, paparazzi or a PR rep. Millions of people, who live their lives, do their jobs, earn a living without trying to shock, evoke, gain attention, or cause a stir for their own personal gain. Imagine that?

Then you have your idiots, like Easton-Ellis, like Perez Hilton, who thrive on the spotlight in which they do their jobs and thrive on the negative attention they get, because, after all, it's attention. The problem is, they are showing the world how small and attention-starved they are by spewing their snark and poking fun, trashing other artists, engaging in Twitter wars, slamming projects or work from others who just may be trying to do something positive. These are the people who have a platform to create change and instead, they use it to feed their fat fucking egos. And the media outlets that give them space on their shows, websites, and papers are no better! Grown men, this vicious "Joan Crawford-wanna-be persona with the nasty chip" used to be clever & witty but it's old news now and it goes too far. You know what? Give me a sweet, happy homo like Ross Matthews any day. Someone who makes me smile, not tighten my intestines in knots.

I'll be honest. I'm guilty of taking a twit-shits on Bret Easton-Ellis and Perez Hilton any chance I get, and probably a few more celebrities (Kim Kardashian, Amanda Bynes, Tara Reid).  I've stopped doing it now because when I look back at my own tweets and I see myself down in the gutter with them, it's clearly made me realise I'm no better when I resort to their kind of behaviour. It's instinctive retaliation, I guess. I'm not forcing my opinion down anyone's throat, I did it to take a poke at them because it made me feel better and to stick up for the person they hurt. I don't get why angry, frustrated gay men feel the need to trash Neil Patrick Harris for his hosting of the Emmys. He's an out, proud gay man, who not only hosted the show, he also produced it while starring in a top rated network sitcom. Are you telling me all you could see was a few jokes that fell flat? Really? When I look back and see my awful tweets, it didn't make me feel good and I can't imagine that anything these guys do actually make them feel good about themselves. So, why do it? Everyone knows there are ways of getting your thought or opinions across without being a nasty twat, right? It's all in how it's said or presented.

They seem to think it's okay to unleash their wrath, directing it at anyone they choose, (usually those more successful than they are, or who's having a moment in the spotlight, blocking that ray of light they need so bad), probably letting a evil chuckle escape as they type, knowing a bunch of insecure, small minded Twitter followers will retweet their harsh words, some stupid magazine or website will pick up their mean quote and they'll sit back and relish in the media shit storm they created, their name in the headlines again. They never look ahead (or look back, for that matter) at the damage they do... when a struggling film maker is finally ready to premiere the film it her took 6 years and every penny to make, when an author finds a publisher willing to put out a novel they took the time to write, no matter how painful it was, when a musician takes the stage for the very first time in front of a live audience, or puts out their very first EP- when any of these up-and-coming LGBT artists see or hear some notable fellow artist-type person tear down another person's work,  it has to feel like a hundred pound bag of dread was just heaped on their back on top of everything else.

Like it's not enough vulnerability to be putting your work out there, knowing its going to be subjected to the usual critics, and public opinion- but worrying that your own LGBT peers could very well publicly shit on your head has got to be daunting and scary. And...the thing is...it shouldn't be. Those are the people we want the approval from, and if we can't get that, we can only hope that they will just shut their big mouths and leave it alone.

I get the fact that critics make a living off "criticising", that it's their job and everyone has a right to their opinion. But since when is some washed up, second-rate angsty gay writer a critic? When did some catty, shameful gay blogger who's done more harm than good for nearly a decade get to make headline news for teasing Lady Gaga about sagging record sales? Why is this okay?

I also get the fact that some jokes are just that- jokes... hoping for a laugh, some work, some don't but there is a level of sadastic sarcasm and a complete lack of empathy in what they do- and that's not productive (or funny)- it's just harmful.

Look, I may not think that every lesbian film, CD or web series that comes out is "the best", and I may not even like it, but the last thing I'm going to do is tear it down to get my name in headlines. The way I see it is, maybe it's not my cup of tea, but it doesn't mean that I'm not proud of that person for creating and making something they believe in. I will do what I can with the little platform I have to promote it, and celebrate it because it's a goddamn major accomplishment to get something you believe in out there into the world. If it's not my thing... then I can certainly just NOT say anything about it all. It's easy enough.

Even celebrities that aren't gay make headlines for their ignorant, thoughtless, negative words, like Alec Baldwin, Bret Ratner, Azelia Banks, Blake Shelton, Isiah Washington, Paris Hilton and Carson Daly. They get a headline for being a jerk, then after being schooled by GLAAD, which is like being sent to summer school for a course in political correctness & sensitivity training, they make more headlines for now "having a sense of awareness". Then they make a sizeable donation to an AIDS Foundation, or Human Rights campaign in an effort to not lose any gay fans who contribute to ticket sales and their bankability once they're reminded of that very fact.

So I guess the thing I don't understand is why ANY media outlet needs to promote some dickhead in their headline who doesn't have the decency to just shut up and not say anything negative -rather than give them the front page story, regardless of whether it shows what an asshole they are, because either way, it still puts the insults or the negativity on the artist, person or project that should be celebrated for their efforts. If it's all about page hits, clicks and impressions- then shame on you and the lack of morals you rode in with.

It makes me crazy that lesbians, especially, can't wholeheartedly support other lesbians in  pretty much any realm. Promoters, producers, DJ's, performers, producers, writers, authors- have the hardest time seeing someone other than themselves have any form of success, because apparently it means they are failing or something. Very rarely will you ever hear a gay woman say something nice about another gay woman's success unless, of course, you're talking about Jane Lynch or Ellen Degeneres.

But, if you take a situation like ...say....the legendary The Dinah Shore Weekend, and put the two promoters from that event in a room together, do you think they'll tell each other how wonderful it is that there are so many options for lesbians in Palm Springs every April? Um..no. It's all about who's event is better, who has more attendance,  bigger venue, and who has better headliners. Which, by the way, the headliners get the ridiculous task of choosing who to side with- forcing them to take a hit in the pocket when they could easily perform at each event, but no- they have to choose one or the other. I've seen music festivals go bust because a lack of support, I've seen bands fall apart, I've heard stories about women-owned and operated production companies sabotaging film projects by other women over every petty thing you can imagine from break-ups, to bed hopping, to back stabbing, to rumours, and just sheer bitchiness -and it's just plain sad. It's sad when any fellow artist takes a shot from a critic, let alone a LGBT peer.

I know I can't change this on my own and maybe you can't either, but rather than perpetuate it, perhaps we should just simply try rising above it. What if you didn't repeat the headline? What if you didn't tell someone some negative gossip you heard about someone else's project? What if you didn't click on the link to the crappy article? What about not giving that kind of unsupportive, ugly negativity our attention. I mean, really. Would it kill you not to? I'm willing to give it a try. I've said my piece, vented, pointed out the who's and the why's and I'm ready to move forward.

I've interviewed, hung out with, and been around so many LGBT musicians, film makers, actors, authors, play writers, producers and directors and I know how difficult it is to get a project off the ground- from funding, to getting a crew together, casting, finding a producer, a publisher, and support, in general, that ANYTHING that actually gets done is an accomplishment that should be celebrated. It shouldn't be about the shaky camera, or the fact that you can see a boom mic in the frame, or that there was a typo in chapter 9, or that you didn't understand what the artist was painting, or why they used that color, or how come they picked this actress for the lead- Oh, for Godsakes, it's a piece of LGBT work and someone who has the drive and determination fought (hard, I imagine) for the chance to get it completed...and has achieved their goal. Someone who didn't have the backing from a major studio, who isn't represented by a major recording label, who's not blogging for a website that's backed by major sponsors, who didn't pay for Twitter followers, or have a cousin in the business, or a powerhouse publishing company behind them- they DID something on their own, finding their own support and means to do it- and that deserves positive press from anyone and more importantly- any kind of media outlet. It's not that hard to be supportive. If you can't, then just be quiet. Stop ruining things for everyone else.

I Just Asked for Ketchup on My Eggs....

I just asked for ketchup on my eggs this past Saturday morning, and this happened:

Meet Bruce, our newest addition. I don't even know how it all came about. It was a typical slow starting Saturday morning. Me, the wife and housemate were all eating McDonald's breakfast wraps. I asked for ketchup, which, I'll admit, I never do. What can I say? I was feeling whimsical and edgy at the same time, so I went with it and had ketchup on my eggs -much to everyone's surprise. After the initial shock wore off, we were discussing "the house" plans.

Jem and I found a very perfect house, in very perfect location, for a not-so perfect-yet do-able price, around the corner from where we are and the builder accepted our offer and the mortgage process is underway. So, it became official and we've signed our agreements with the seller. We've been really excited about it, and I'm pretty sure housemate Hazel is ready to take back her place after almost 3 years of us living here, fun as it's been. Any how, the talk turned to the cats, and how we all wondered if Hazel's personable, social cat, Lucy, would be lonely without our constant presence and Jem's cat, Ollie, who's been a part of Lucy's life since they were 8 weeks old. We were talking about different breeds, if we thought she would like a new sibling to have around, to play with, in our absence. Of course, ever the internet goddess, my wife immediately begins Googling cat breeder sites, and different breeds of kittens. She then said, "What about you, Den, don't you want a cat of your own?" before I could answer, she says, "What kind would you want?" I just shrugged and said, "I don't know, but something colorful, like with browns, white, black and a little pink nose." Within seconds, she turns her laptop to me, and goes, "Like this?" and shows me a picture of a 9 week old kitten, that was just posted an hour ago by a breeder in Chessington, less than 15 minutes away. The picture was exactly what I described. I fell in love instantly. I knew she could tell, because she was passing the phone number to Hazel. All of the sudden, we were tossing the McDonald's bag in the trash, changing clothes, and going to pick up a kitten. "What will you name him?" Jem asked. Without any hesitation, and I still don't have a clue as to why it jumped into my mind, I said "Bruce."

By 1pm, we had met the breeder, a lovely woman named Mel with the most stunning, well-taken care of cats I've seen. She was informative, professional, helpful and thoughtful, as she bagged up plenty of starter food, wrote down the brands he was on, where we could purchase it, the litter he was used to, his info sheet, stats, and her email & phone number, should we have any questions. By 2pm, I was cuddling this precious little nugget in the backseat of Hazel's car as we made our way home. His little purr-motor was running non-stop and he snuggled close and meowed little baby meows from time to time as his tiny paws clutched my shirt.

I will whole heartedly admit that we didn't think this thing through at all, so when we walked in the house, it was like my brain froze as fast as Lucy & Ollie did, in their tracks, when they saw me holding him. Lucy seemed particularly bothered him, and at that moment, it was apparent she wasn't up for having another cat around.

All of the sudden, I was completely aware that we hadn't kitten proofed anything, we hadn't thought about where his litter & food would be, what the sleeping arrangements would be, or what to do, in general, about anything regarding this little guy. My heart was racing as fast as Bruce's. I didn't want to let him go or set him down, or anything. The other cats were totally not digging Bruce at all. Ollie hissed, Lucy growled, they wouldn't go near me...or him. When I finally set him down, I stayed close to be sure he didn't playfully charge them, since their knickers were in a complete twist over him. He ate his kibbles, he pooped in the big boy potty (the adult cat's litter box), he napped, he explored, he played with ping pong balls and feather toys until he was exhausted. We put his little boy litter box in our bedroom with dry food & water. Jem thought it would be a good idea if she slept in the guest room with the door open so Lucy & Ollie could go in with her, and Bruce and I would be closed off in the bedroom so they couldn't stalk him in his sleep or better yet, so Bruce wouldn't go on any scary big-house expeditions in the night. I was a little nervous about if he would be up all night, getting into all sorts of cracks & crevices, playing, trying to leap off the bed. Could he get up? Could he get down? Would he know where the food & water are, could he see where the litter box was? I was so highly stressed, I thought I would never unwind but by 11pm, after the two of us watched a little "Sex And The City" we fell asleep. He slept next to me for 8 solid hours, until 7am. I woke up a few times and he was sprawled out sound asleep. Total bliss! A champion sleeper!  I was so proud of him. What is it about a sleeping kitten that makes you all zen-like and melty inside no matter what your mood was?

The next day, Sunday, he was adjusting well, and we all took turns playing with him, and taking a million pictures, posting his cuteness all over Facebook, and texting pictures to our friends & family.
The other cats were still on high newbie alert. But, the hissing and growling had ceased and now it was just a mutual curiosity. The night went okay. He was up a bit later, played a bit longer, slept a little less, and took a big kitty poo in the little litter box, making me a prisoner to the stink that was so bad I had to open the windows and turn on the fan. How can something so small and cute produce such a god awful shit?!

Monday, he was back at it, playing hard and getting a bit more brave with the other cats. They were letting him get a bit closer, they were less flinchy and seemed to relax a bit more. He even snuck into their food and had some grown up Maine Coon nuggets, which we all thought was soooooo cute, ("What a big boy! Eating the big boy food!") until Tuesday night. Apparently, the grown up food didn't mix with the kitty food, and poor Bruce ended up with a major case of diarrhoea and then began a vom-a-rama that didn't stop until 2:30am. The room smelled like a old folks home in August. I thought about stuffing tampons up my nose, but went with my better judgement, knowing myself, I'd forget about them and if we ended up at the Vet office, I'd look like an idiot.

I was in total panic mode, but on the plus side, he was drinking water, and playing, and sleeping between bouts of squirts and puke. I had been Viber messaging with my Mom about it, and she kept saying, "Poor little guy..."  I didn't want to wake up Jem or Hazel because there really wasn't anything they would be able to do that I wasn't doing already, and they both had early starts Wednesday morning. After his last wicked bout, he took a drink of water, and fell asleep near my arm til 6:15am.

This morning, Bruce seems a little better. No vomiting. Drinking lots of water, eating a little bit of HIS OWN food and napping. He's still having runny, loud, explosive squirty shits, but not nearly as bad as last night. He's pretty beat, but he's coming around.

Me? I'm fucking exhausted. Close to delirious from lack of sleep but with enough presence of mind to blog about it, and email my mother this update:

Wet poo. I can't even describe how bad his shits stink. I haven't gagged this much since I lived with Chuck. He finally had some dry kitty kibbles but I think because he's teething it's hard for him to chew them, so I added a little water to the kibbies to make them soggy, and he had those, and then took another squirty poo complete with farts. I feel so bad for him. This has got to be like when a human eats bad shrimp. I think he even gets the sweats when he sleeps because he constantly moves to a cooler spot and falls right back to sleep. He sleeps so hard after every....evacuation. Yeah, this is like a "bad chinese food" night for him.

Thankfully, he's playing, running, jumping, and drinking & eating enough when he is awake to make me assume it's not serious. He's not dehydrated or lethargic. I'm pretty sure it's from him eating Lucy & Ollie's grown up food yesterday. He hasn't gotten into anything else, and we haven't switched his kitten food from what he was getting with the breeder, so that's got to be it. Lucy has been nicer to him today- she's let him get right up close to her and she hasn't flinched. Same with Ollie. He's not freaked at all anymore. This morning I was telling Jem about my night as the kitty whisperer. I said, "Well, fortunately, the cleaning lady mistakenly left a whole package of cleaning floor wipes upstairs in the bedroom, so I was on top of it immediately with 99.9% bacteria-killing wipes in hand the first 2 times he puked and the 3rd time, he must not have known what end it was going to come out, so he was in the litter box, and just vomited right in it. ....Okay, well..enjoy your toast & tea."

It's just me & the cat gang here today by ourselves. He's asleep again, Lucy is asleep on the back of the sofa and Ollie is asleep up in the back bedroom by the window at the foot of the bed. I decided I'm going to tell my Stateside cats, Kiwi & Gunther that they have a long lost little brother who is away at British Boarding School. Something tells me that they couldn't care less because they love it with Donna & Deb and their new friends.

Ugh, Mom, If you looked around at this scene right now, you would think I had three kids- two teenagers that do nothing all day but sleep and eat, and a toddler: toys all over the living room, anything remotely dangerous is tucked up or stored up high, three different bowls of half eaten food on the kitchen floor, cat toy feathers floating in the air and me...? I'm a complete mess- no shower, my hair looks like someone let off a firecracker in it, I'm in the same jeans as yesterday and the shirt I slept in,  just barely folded a load of clean clothes from the dryer that have been in there since yesterday, I had a half a cup of coffee because that was all I could manage. I have half-written emails up on my laptop that I haven't finished, and I'm pretty sure I have a tiny bit of baby kitty poo on my slipper. I swear to god, I don't know how mothers do it. I was trying to empty the dishwasher but had to stop because Bruce kept wanting to jump in it every time I opened the door while Lucy stood there watching, like, "Pfffft. Don't look at me. YOU wanted him."  

I tried calling you but got your voicemail ....Where are you? I need to vent more.

Ok, I'm going to take advantage of this round of cat naps and get some more laundry done and everything else that's been on hold since 7am. I'll try you again in a little bit. I can't remember if you said you had another Dr appt today because my brain is fried from lack of sleep.

I love you, Mommy. I don't know how you did this.  xoxo -- Denise

Ok, cat lovers, that's my story of the ups & downs of kitten motherhood....like any good lesbian, there will be a ton of pictures. .......haaa, Zen-like and melty...... Until next time....

NAMASTE', BITCHES.

A Sea of Green - L Fest 2013

By now you've all heard Donna and myself on our internet radio show/podcast talking at length about "L Fest"- the amazing camping festival that goes on every July for the last 3 years, where almost 2,000 women gather in northern England for a weekend of comedy, arts, and music. We've discussed almost every band that would be playing on both stages, every event thats offered from day spas, to writing workshops, author readings, performances, lesbian movies at the cinemas, sports, activities, kid's zones, doggy daycare, the food vendors and the shopping stalls. We've gone on about the exceptional "L Crew" who are everywhere you look, for whatever you need, we've pointed out the official L Fest gear merchant: Pretty Pink Pearl, who do on the spot printing if you can't find what you like on the racks & racks of L Fest shirts, hats & hoodies. We've hailed Cindy Edwards, the festival creator, director and promoter as the most organised, innovative, all-inclusive, forward thinker we've ever worked with- and this year, ladies- bigger, new venue, more festival go'ers, more bands, more space- and it did NOT disappoint!

                                           photo credits: Zebi Risidi Photography

                                                  photo credit: Sarita Ramirez

We were traveling to Uttoxeter Racecourse, Staffordshire as a party of seven. Yes, you heard me, SEVEN. The group consisted of Donna, my co host from Florida and her girlfriend Deb, our intern for the radio show, Sara from New Jersey, our foxy friend Jill Bennett, an actress/producer/writer from Los Angeles, my housemate Hazel, who made most of this trip possible by renting and driving the 9 passenger Vauxhall van, my level-headed wife Jemma, and me, Denise, the Pringle eater. 

First off, I should say the weather was UNSEASONABLY hot, with not even a breeze for the week leading up to L Fest. This seemed to excite the UK lesbians, the thin girls, and the ones who managed to have air conditioning in their cars or campers. For us, unfortunately, the rental company falsely advertised the van as having a/c, but alas- as we headed towards Heathrow Airport to pick up Jill, we discovered it did NOT have a/c.  We were prepared for the rooms we were staying at to be exceptionally warm, because thankfully, our buddies Lucy & Mandy Burton, the music directors at L Fest, and band members of one of our favourite performing bands, Eeek,  phoned us up the night before and said "Pack fans because the hotel doesn't have air conditioning!"  We were NOT prepared for the van to be a hot box on wheels. As we stuffed our fat asses in, with all our merchandise, banners, bags, coolers, Costco food stock, FANS, and electronics, we headed down the motorway with the windows open (at least the two front ones, which were all that WOULD open) and like dogs, put our faces towards the air, and made our way to scoop Jill. Singing songs, telling stories LOUDLY over the rush of the wind blowing us to hell, we laughed and bopped away until we hit traffic where we roasted mercilessly in the sun, or as I call it "open flame"- like chestnuts at Christmas, at a standstill for nearly 40 minutes, as the energy drained from us. 

The sentiment seemed to be that no matter what the temperatures were rising to in the van or even outside, we were heading to L Fest, and nothing was going to bring us down. After gathering our precious cargo, Jill Bennett, who had a screening of her new web series "Second Shot" at the L Cinema on Saturday morning along with a Q & A, we were on our way! Heat be damned, we're armed with fans! (and thankfully, it got cooler over the coming days!) 

With only one pee break at the Services, we made pretty good time on our three hour journey, rambling through the tight village streets off the motorway and finally rolled up on the Uttoxeter Racecourse, where we were greeted with massive rainbow flags swaying, L Fest banners, and tents as far as your eyes could see. 

I can't explain the buzz you get when you're at the entrance way, collecting your wrist bands, getting your program, flipping through it, looking at the schedule of events happening for the next 2 days- the smiling faces, waving at you as you make your way through the park- it's electrifying to say the least.

I love seeing Cindy's Mom, Gil at the gate, always ready with a big hug! The Crew in place, all ready for us, signaling Lucy Burton that we've arrived. It's like you're bursting at the seams to see everyone! 

Cindy, the very busy director and her L Crew are scattered throughout the park with radios, and ear pieces, and somehow, every year, as we make our way to the head quarters office, just to yell "We're HERE!" - Cindy makes a grand appearance to welcome us and give us a bit of a tour. This year, with an all new venue, we were anxious to see the park and what was where. From the HQ, she took us out on the balcony which overlooked it all, and pointed out where the campers were, the family campers, the solo's, where the cinemas (TWO) were, where the Main Stage was, where the L Fest Presents stage was, where the workshops were, where the food vendors were (fish finger sandwiches!), where the shopping stalls were, the t-shirt shop was, the bumper cars, the sports area, the Solo's bar, the fire pit, and Fan tent. It was quite a sight to take in- flags waving, girls everywhere, chicks on bicycles, with their puppies & dogs, families, kids on push scooters, happy faces rolling by in a wheelchair or two, rocker babes with guitars, girls on rollerblades, whizzing by, Strongbow's in hand. It's an incredible sight - looking over the whole park- and just taking it all in. 

It makes you process why it takes a year of planning, and promotion, the precision of organising something for everyone, making sure everything you could possibly want, need, and do is all right here with new friends, old friends, strangers soon to be come buddies, possible hook-ups (of course!), couples who plan holidays around this, fans who come to see their favourite bands & singers, friends who travel in from Scotland, Holland, Germany, America, just to name a few places- who mix, mingle, drink, dance, sing, and make lifelong connections. It's a weekend that becomes a part of you, that gets in your blood, creates memories in your heart & mind  and that stays with you. 

It's such a blast to see old friends, like Jan Walker ("Jan's Coming Out"), Georgey Payne from "GreyMatter" giving us a hi-five, Teresa & Helen taking a minute from the t-shirt printing to say hello, Sally Edwards rollin' on by with a shout & a hoot, the Drag Kings with a wink, those crazy chicks from HeadsHearts wrapping themselves all over us, seeing Cookie Meister's new hair do, Faye Bagely & her juice, VG Lee & Micra Mary making their way to the workshops, seeing the adorable girls from "Promise"- budding musicians, totally psyched to play their first REAL gig to a full house, Clare Templeton & Jacqueline Orr from France, supplying us with chilled wine, the Rasta guy at the cell charger tent with the bang up shades, the girls from Kinky Monkey, and Focx -and oh my God- the DONUT MAN and his donut truck! The dude actually gave me a sack of donuts for the ride home on Sunday evening! 

I've been hosting, emceeing (or compering, as they call it over here)- whatever you want to call it- on the Main Music Stage since the first year. I did it on my own for the first 2 years, and this year, my co host Donna from our internet talk radio show "The Lesbian Lounge" on MyLesbianRadio.com flew in for the event, so it was a bit of a reunion, of sorts. In Florida, before I moved to England, we hosted  tons of events from Girls At Gay Days in Orlando, to WomenFest in Key West, to Pride Festivals all over the State of Florida- but it's been more than 2 years since we've been together on stage, live and in person at a major event, so needless to say, this was special. It was emotional. It was something that I had only described to Donna on the phone before and hope she would understand the magnitude of it. Now, she was here to see it with her own eyes- a year of planning, basically. I think I convinced her while at L Fest 2012- when I had headliner, musician, Horse personally Skype her and then video'd The L Project singing "It Does Get Better" with 1,000 lesbians singing along to every word. These are what I call "L Fest Moments"- and you have to see them & feel them in person because video & pictures are brilliant, but being in the midst of it is an indescribable experience. The sense of camaraderie, sisterhood, family, belonging, acceptance is almost spiritual in a non-religious or spiritual way. See? Indescribable! I can safely speak for her when I say she was in absolute awe of the event and being there in person this year. The welcome she received by everyone was more than we could have envisioned and she had moments where she welled up with tears (as did we all....Lucy Burton) just randomly and would say, "It's even MORE amazing than you could describe!"

The work of an emcee is basically to keep the crowd interested enough not to leave the stage before the next band comes on. So, Donna and I do some witty banter, we remind everyone of the vendors, and the schedule, and we interact with the audience and keep them engaged, laughing, happy and interested in give-aways like magnets, pens, and t-shirts while the stage managers are helping the next band or performer set up. Sounds easy enough, but it always starts off slow, and after people have had a few drinks, they loosen up a bit and play along. I'll admit, it was MUCH easier this year, having my bud up there on stage with me rather than ramble endlessly by myself. We had our wives, our intern, Sara, and our buddies from Planet London helping us with games, like "The Muffin Munch" and "Confessions". The stellar crowd joined in- faces I remembered from the past 2 years and some new, willing, brave participants ready to join in. I noticed this year, maybe just from our constant presence on the internet air waves & podcasts, or from the past 2 years hosting, that this time women were way more comfortable seeking us out in between sets, on our way for a bite, or while we were waiting to go onstage. So many ladies approached us and thanked us for making them laugh throughout the day, some even asked for autographs, and pictures, and commented on how funny we were. Even dashing off to a pee break, we would get stopped for high-fives, shout outs, smacks on the back and tons of praise for what we do. It was so appreciated, and so humbling, I can't even put into words. We're having as much fun entertaining the attendees, as they are watching & listening to us, that we sometimes forget that its work! 

We are fortunate enough to work with some amazing people, like Lucy & Mandy Burton, who along with performing with their band "Eeek", also put together a carefully selected line up of music for the weekend, and work with getting the local faves & international bands & artists there at the festival, like "Betty", "HeadsHearts" "Red 'n' Pink"and Rachael Sage, while introducing us to up & coming new sensations like the talented teens "Promise" and Cat Chinn.  They put together a stage crew that works tirelessly with the sound engineers, the roadies, and with silly ol' us to make sure things go smoothly all day at the Main Stage and later at the smaller L Fest Presents stage. They coordinate all the women lending their voices for a performance of "It Does Get Better" by the L Project and all the guests who join in-which always touches the crowd and creates a major "L Fest Moment".  This year, I was touched by something new- the VIP School Bus- with it's neon lights, flat screen TV's, AIR CON, endless Pimm's & champagne, and ...perhaps the heart felt speech Lucy made in honour of Cindy, her family and the L Crew. 

Women like Sal and Sue, of SpringOut Arts & Film Organisation find the best in lesbian film & content for the cinemas, and get writers, directors and actors to the event to meet fans and do readings, Q & A's, screenings, and all the groups like Planet-London.com and Diva Destinations who ran the Solo's events, the "Grease" Party, Hazel O' Keefe, and the funny girls of "Laughing Cows" Comedy, bring you the best in stand-up comedy, the opening ceremony dance, the closing party tears-  honestly- everyone involved in every aspect of the weekend do their job and give their all to make L Fest unforgettable year after year. 

We'll have videos and tons more pictures to share as the days go by and we all unpack, do laundry, get back into our daily routines, accept new friend requests, follow the hashtag #Lfest, answer emails, read blogs & posts and get tagged relentlessly! It's a great way to keep the momentum going! It'll hold us over until the 2014 pop up parties start, L-Festive gets underway, and we barrel towards the next L Fest!

The entire crowd helped me surprise my cousin Gina & her new wife Amber, up in NY on her wedding day, Saturday, with a great, big Facebook favour! This was an awesome L Fest Moment! 

We even raised money for Cindy's big bike ride from Guilford to Paris in September to help an orphanage in Peru by making Cindy strip down to her latex bike gear and riding around the crowd as they filled her bucket with coins & notes!

I mean, seriously- yes, there is the Dinah, and I've never been and have no desire to go, but for the life of me, I can't imagine moments like this happening because everyone there is clamouring to see Dani Campbell down a tequila shot off some loser from "The Real L Word"'s flat tan stomach at the congested, oily, pool party. No thanks. I'll take L Fest any day over that scene.

What Cindy Edwards & her crew have created is an annual event festival worthy of your holiday, worthy of your friends flying in from another country, worthy of international appeal, worthy of headlining bands, worthy of the awards it's been given and each year, as it grows and goes to the next level, the word of L Fest reaches farther & farther and the moments get bigger, and deeper. You'll laugh, you'll party, you may even shed some tears driving away when it's all over, but you'll also have some memories, some new Facebook & Twitter friends, and you'll be looking forward to the next L Fest. So, start planning for next July because 2014 will be here before you know it, and you'll kick yourself in the ass if you miss it.  See you there!