Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Is Lesbian Hair a "thing"?

It's a thing. Lesbians and their hair. The talk about how much time lesbians, of all people, spend on their hair, and the products, gel, sprays, spikes, blow drying, curling, etc.. yes, it's all true. But I always thought that "lesbian hair" applied to lesbians who were trying to be sure you KNEW they were a lesbian just by their hair. The ones that had short boy hair, with a perfect quiff complete with gel, or the ones that had one side shaved, so you could see all the ear stretchers and piercings, or had the back shaved so you couldn't miss that back-of-the-neck tattoo, or the shaggy Joan Jett look, or the Ellen "elf" hair. Stuff like that. I didn't see myself doing those things to my hair, so do I have lesbian hair?!  *SIGH* ...I do. Without doing anything crazy, punky or weird to my hair, somehow, it happened. And now I have to say this: "My name is Denise and I have lesbian hair."  I had to take a moment and just accept it.

Let's get one thing clear right now, I absolutely adore our hair stylist- she's funny, smart, cute, affordable, accommodating, and sweet. She's known my housemate Hazel for years, and was perfectly lovely about Jem and I when we started going to her, too. She knew our whole transatlantic love story, was moved to tears, yadda, yadd, happy, how wonderful- the whole nine yards. Which always makes me feel good to hear, and feel so much more comfortable. It's nice not to pretend to be "just flat mates." It means a lot to be able to be yourselves and our hair stylist truly is a doll for not doing anything but just accepting us for us. More importantly, me...with my *gulp*... lesbian hair.


I'm quite sure that anyone who has seen my wife and then seen me has wondered "WTF is going on there?" My wife is slender, eats right, dresses well, talks in that proper British accent, can rock heels & a skirt, looks good in jeans and a t-shirt, has the long, expertly highlighted hair, and is lucky enough to either make it sexy messy & toussled, slick it back in a ponytail or straighten it for that sleek "girl-in-the-hair product-commercial" look. Let's be honest, she can basically pass for straight whenever she wants. No one would really suspect that she's a lesbian at a glance, unless of course, you saw us making out at a Pride festival or something.

And then there's me. No matter what, in a glance, you can't mistake the fact that I'm a lesbian. I'm big, stocky, my voice sounds like a mix of Harvey Fierstein & Lauren Bacall. I'm only comfortable in jeans, sneakers, t-shirts, or hoodie. "Dressed up" to me is a t-shirt under a blazer, clunky black shoes and jeans with no holes. But even without mentioning those other little goodies, I think you could tell by my hair. My hair has looked the same since my high school graduation in 1986, give or take a few layers added in or grown out. I've never messed with the color, or at least never wandered too far from your basic "medium to dark brown" for any particular reason. I'm completely serious about that. (see proof below)

                                                     1986 Senior Picture



                                      Present (ignore the popcorn in my nostrils)

 When I told my stylist, this past weekend, I wanted the top a little bit shorter- she went to work on my request. When she had finished, she did exactly what I had asked, and also made the back a bit shorter, much to my surprise, so that it blended properly. I reached around where my ends used to touch my shoulders, it was now barely touching the back of my neck. I remained calm and said "Looks great!" like I usually do. Later on, after I had washed it and started blow drying it, I was in a bit of a panic, missing the 2 inches that used to be there. (I think it only feels weird when you didn't ask for it, because it's more of a surprise. if you asked for it, you'd know to expect it and it would be no big deal). I could just be dramatic, because by Day 3, I hardly noticed it was any shorter at all, really. I blew it dry on Day 4 and it dawned on me, "Nothing shaved or spiked and yet it's still lesbian hair."

I know that today's lesbian hair is more trendy, more daring, and it's way more exciting hair, but still...I have lesbian hair in a boring "Yep. She's a lesbian"-kind of way. I don't sport a mullet. I don't have Justin Bieber's lesbian hair, I don't have that rat's nest "Shane" inspired hair from The L Word, I don't have the new Miley Cyrus' lesbian cut, and you wouldn't even second guess it, like when Emma Watson got her hair cut, but... it's undoubtedly lesbian hair.

It's just lesbian hair without trying to look like lesbian hair so it's it "vintage" or maybe "classic" lesbian hair..... I guess. It's like the Trans Am of lesbian hair, I suppose. Great, me & Bon Jovi...Not much changes year after year.

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