Monday, 30 March 2015

14 Signs That Your Co Worker is A Lesbian and Why You Shouldn't Care

Here's a few signs that you may be working with a lesbian and why you shouldn't care…

1.) She takes a lot of Fridays and Mondays off in the summer.
And FYI that's because she plans her time around Lesbian and/or Pride Festivals. You may notice she returns with a lot of new colourful wristbands, rope bracelets, silver jewellery and she's moving a little slower than usual. Don't be alarmed. She's just had the time of her life at Girls in Wonderland, WomenFest, Gay Pride, L Fest or a Lilith Fair-type of thing. So what if she's walking funny.
Why you shouldn't care:  Mind your own beeswax. She doesn't care that you wore the same clothes into the office the day after last week's Happy Hour.

2.) She gets more excited about Casual Fridays than anyone else in your office and makes the most of it by sporting a pulled back ponytail, faded jeans, an UH-Huh Her t-shirt and Converse sneakers.
Why you shouldn't care: Secretly, you should admire how she can get away with throwing on a blazer and making that funky look work.

3.) Normally, she's dressed like any professional police woman detective, investigator or crime fighter on televison: navy blazer, a fitted button down light coloured shirt, navy chino front pants and a smart looking pair of sensible-heeled ankle boots, like Jane Rizzoli.
Why you shouldn't care: It's that look you see on every other night on "Castle" or "The Mentalist".

4.) She knows more about Orphan Black, Pretty Little Liars and  Orange Is The New Black and Grey's Anatomy than anyone else you know.
Why you shouldn't care: You could stand to know a little more about these current pop culture television phenomenons.

5.) She is the one that will likely bring a vegetarian dish to the office pot luck lunch.
Why you shouldn't care: You could probably add some healthy options to your meal plan.

6.) She is better than any of the guys on your company softball team and enjoys it more than anyone else that you work with, even Sunday practices.
Why you shouldn't care: You won the Inner-City Park League Corporate Championship, didn't you?

7.) She never engages in catty talk about the bitchy, tall, blonde boss lady.
Why you shouldn't care: She isn't being a goody-two shoes, she's just picturing what it would be like to get that saucy minx into bed.

8.) She knows more about your gay office boyfriend than you do.
Why you shouldn't care: You were off in the Hamptons with your boyfriend/husband drinking mimosas and stomping divots, while they were at the same Gay Pride Parade, where his boy toy was walking him on a leather leash.

9.) She was the first one in the office to get those ultra-chic black square frame eyeglasses.
Why you shouldn't care: They get her a ton of compliments … the lesbian bars

10.) Every Monday, she talks about what she and her group of friends, who all seem to be girls, did over the weekend like cycling, hiking, seeing an indie band at a tiny little club you never heard of, camping, a road trip, a new Mexican restaurant, an author reading, or the annual picnic at the dog park.
Why you shouldn't care: You probably got a lot of DIY stuff done with your husband.

11.) In all the pictures on her desk, she is with a really hot looking girl.
Why you shouldn't care: You had your girl/girl make out sessions in college ….and you know how good they were.

12.) She knows more about March Madness than your husband/boyfriend.
Why you shouldn't care: They can watch the games together while you go shoe shopping.

13.) She can actually change a flat tire herself.
Why you shouldn't care: You can call your husband/boyfriend.

14.) She drinks whiskey or beer like a champ, she actually went to a Hemp Festival, she drives a really cool sporty Jeep, she back-packed through Europe in her twenties, she writes poetry once in a while, she's an amazing Aunt to her nieces & nephews, she puts a cute little bandana on her dog for fun every weekend, she knows every good sushi restaurant in the area.
Why you shouldn't care: She is the girl you thought you'd be at this stage of your life, minus the downtown "taco eating" action, and you can live vicariously through her. She won't care.